The Madness of Mimiru
by Captain Black Rum
Summary: What happens when everyone goes nuts and starts randomly bursting into song? THE MADNESS OF MIMIRU HAPPENS! OMG! SHE KILLED JERIC! NOOOOO!


A/N: I have no idea what possessed me to write this. Be afraid. Be very afraid.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own .hack//SIGN. Yet. (I don't own any of the songs included in this, either.)  
  
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Tsukasa, Subaru, Mimiru, and Bear sat side by side in the middle of a dungeon for some unknown and probably stupid reason. Mimiru sighed. Bear sighed. Subaru sighed. Tsukasa sighed. They all sighed sadly in perfect sighing synchronization.  
  
Then, Tsukasa suddenly stood up and stared sadly at the floor, thus calling attention to himself.  
  
"What is it, Tsukasa?" Mimiru asked curiously.  
  
Tsukasa looked at her, a deep sadness in his eyes. "Oh, nothing. Except............." He spread his arms wide and sang out, "The hills are alllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive! And they ate my Gruntiiiiiiieeeeee!"  
  
Bear immediately stood up and joined him, having.............er...........~*~magically~*~ donned a shimmering purple disco outfit. Complete with a disco ball glued to his head.  
  
"They devoured it, down to its eaaaaaaarrrs!" the two sang together.  
  
Mimiru stared at them in disbelief, while Subaru, oblivious to everything, sat there and smiled blankly at the wall.  
  
"The hills fill my heart with paranoiaaaaaaaa!" Tsukasa sang.  
  
"My heart wants to scream every time they near!" Bear chimed in.  
  
"What the heck are you-" Mimiru started, but she was cut off by Bear. The man had begun to spin around the room with arms spread wide, twirling about with joy.  
  
"My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds  
  
That fly away from the hills in terror!"  
  
Tsukasa leapt atop a pile of rubble, and he too began to spin around happily. The two sang in unison.  
  
"My heart wants to sigh like a chimpanzee that flies  
  
From angry villagers trying to destroy the hills!  
  
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over  
  
stones that the hills placed there on its way  
  
To sing through the night like a lark trying to get awaaaaay!"  
  
Mimiru just stared.  
  
"I run from the hills, for they ate my gruntie!  
  
I know I'll be devoured if I venture there!  
  
My heart will be filled with paranoia!  
  
And I'll never, ever, get awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"  
  
Tsukasa and Bear finished their duet and sat down again, each wearing their normal clothing.  
  
"What was THAT?!" Mimiru asked, shocked. "What the heck were you two DOING?!"  
  
Tsukasa looked at her and shrugged. "Singing and dancing."  
  
"But why?!"  
  
The wave master blinked. "I dunno." Bear nodded agreeably, seeming to find it to be a good answer.  
  
"O........kay........" The girl shrugged. Maybe Bear and Tsukasa just needed to have some fun. Everyone needed to have some fun, right? So if singing a modified version of The Sound of Music and dancing in the middle of a dungeon was their idea of fun.............  
  
Mimiru blinked. .............then they must be pretty messed up.  
  
Then, for some unknown and probably stupid reason, the four friends stood up and walked out of the dungeon and into the sunlight.  
  
"Subaru? What do you think of all this?" Mimiru whispered when Bear and Tsukasa weren't looking.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"What do you mean, 'about what'?!" She raised her voice to her normal volume.  
  
"I meant, about what?"  
  
"Didn't you just see-"  
  
"See? Oh, I can't see. I'm blind." Subaru answered cheerfully.  
  
Mimiru face faulted. She held up five fingers in front of Subaru."How many fingers am I holding up?"  
  
"Five."  
  
"And if you were blind, how could you have known *that*?"  
  
Subaru stared at her as if she had gone crazy. "Who said anything about me being blind?"  
  
"YOU DID!!!!!!!!!" Mimiru exclaimed in exasperation.  
  
Subaru was about to reply, when suddenly, Sora and BT just popped up...................Out of nowhere! Yes, nowhere at all!  
  
Sora waved at everyone.  
  
BT was doing some sort of Irish jig.  
  
Tsukasa, Maha, Bear, Crim, A20, and the Crimson Knights seemed to have constructed some sort of band and were playing their instruments quite well. Subaru hurriedly grabbed a flute and joined them, leaving Mimiru to gape at everyone.  
  
All of a sudden, everything went dark. A spotlight appeared out of nowhere and focused on BT and Sora, while the band continued to play. Sora grabbed a microphone and sang loudly and........well, he was actually singing admirably.  
  
"They're black they're brown they're up they're down  
  
They're in they're out they're all about  
  
They're far they're near they're gone they're here  
  
They're quick and slick and insincere  
  
Beware, beware, be a very wary bear!"  
  
Now this............This was just plain scary. Poor Mimiru watched, openmouthed, as BT did the Electric Slide.  
  
"A Heffalump or Woozle is very confusel  
  
The Heffalump or woosel is very sly  
  
- sly - sly - sly  
  
They come in ones and twoosels  
  
but if they so choosels  
  
before your eyes you'll see them multiply  
  
- ply - ply - ply!"  
  
"Is "choosel" even a word?" Mimiru, the only sane person, wondered aloud.  
  
Sora flashed a grin and a thumbs up sign, continuing with his song.  
  
"They're extra-ordinary so better be wary  
  
Because they come in every shape and size  
  
- size - size - size  
  
If honey is what you covet you'll find that they love it  
  
Because they guzzle up the thing you prize!"  
  
Okay. Not only was Sora (SORA, for God's sake!) singing some odd song with several made up words, he was singing about evil bear-terrorizing creatures that liked honey. Now she was really scared. Too scared to do anything but watch.  
  
"They're green they're blue they're pink they're white  
  
They're round they're square they're a terrible sight  
  
They tie themselves in horrible knots  
  
They come in stripes or polka-dots  
  
Beware, Beware! Be a very wary bear!" sang Sora.  
  
Mimiru began to wonder if she should try to escape. But the band was surrounding her, plus, the only light was on Sora and BT. She glanced at BT, who was currently doing some sort of Egyptian dance.  
  
It was official.  
  
She was doomed.  
  
"They're extra-ordinary so better be wary  
  
Because they come in every shape and size  
  
- size - size - size  
  
If honey's what you covet you'll find that they love it  
  
Because they guzzle up the things you prize  
  
They're black they're brown they're up their down  
  
They're in they're out they're all about They're far they're near they're gone they're here  
  
They're quick and slick and insincere  
  
Beware, Beware, Beware, Beware, Beware.........."  
  
Sora bowed happily to the applause of the band. "Thank you, thank you, everyone! You have no idea how much I love you all!" he shouted, tears of joy rolling down his cheeks.  
  
Mimiru walked over to him. "Sora, is "heffalump" even a word?" she asked warily.  
  
"I don't know, but you know what *is* a word?" he replied. Everyone suddenly joined hands and encircled Mimiru while Maha played the piano. In unison, they all sang out:  
  
"Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay  
  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay  
  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"  
  
They all took a deep breath and were about to continue, when poor Mimiru just couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"STOP!" she screamed, grabbing a rock and hurling it at a random Crimson Knight, who fell into a state of unconsciousness. The group stopped instantly and watched her, perplexed.  
  
"STOP SINGING!!!!!!! JUST STOP THE [censored] SINGING! ARGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
The girl, now driven to the point of madness, grabbed her sword and slashed at whoever was closest, killing numerous members of the Crimson Knights.  
  
"I just wanted to be loved!" Bilbo the Crimson Knight cried out just before he, too, was struck down by the (Dun dun dun) Madness of Mimiru.  
  
"DON'T WORRY, BILBO!" Jeric, another dying Crimson Knight called out to him. "Because............" he paused to take a deep breath.  
  
"You've got a friend in me!  
  
You've got a friend in me!  
  
When the road looks rough ahead  
  
And you're miles and miles  
  
From your nice warm bed  
  
You just remember what your old pal said............"  
  
Just then, Mimiru whirled around and stabbed him twenty times. Then she stabbed him again. Then she kicked him, threw him into a tree, stomped up and down on him, picked him up and spun him around, pelted him with rocks, bit him, sat on him, punched him, kicked him, and, ultimately, killed him.  
  
The crowd fell silent as they gazed at the teeny tiny particles that used to be Jeric. Jeric's wife, a cheeseburger, sobbed over his remains, but no one dared to move and comfort her, lest they be destroyed by the (dun dun dun) Madness of Mimiru.  
  
The evil being responsible for Jeric's death ran around in circles for a while as the crowd watched silently, spouting French, then ran off into the sunset screaming her head off.  
  
Crim scratched his head confusedly. "What's her problem?" he asked, looking around.  
  
Tsukasa shrugged.  
  
Bear just stood there.  
  
Subaru fell over. Because she was cardboard.  
  
BT uttered a few incomprehensible Spanish words.  
  
The Silver Knight did a cartwheel.  
  
Sora clapped.  
  
A20 died of tuberculosis.  
  
The rest of the Crimson Knights remained dead.  
  
Maha ate Jeric's wife.  
  
Then, they all (except Maha, who played the piano, and the dead people) joined hands once again and exclaimed,  
  
"Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay  
  
My, oh my what a wonderful day!  
  
Plenty of sunshine heading my way  
  
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay  
  
Mister Bluebird on my shoulder  
  
It's the truth, it's actch'll  
  
Ev'rything is satisfactch'll  
  
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!"  
  
THE END.  
  
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A/N: Just to let you know, the second song is called "Heffalumps and Woozles" and is from Winnie the Pooh.  
  
If you do not review, I shall kill myself with this broken spoon, and then I will be DEAD, and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
So.................Review, please. ^-^;;;;; 


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